Understanding Myself and Where I Stand

Hello, beautiful people, I feel like I haven't written a blog post in a long time, but I have just been busy so my apologies, Well I hope everyone is feeling good we are in the second chapter of the year and everything has been going well so far. So Today's blog post is about understanding myself and where I stand.

Growing up in a family with two sets of twins ( Yes two sets of twins, Go deh Mama ) you had a lot of personalities and big characters and sometimes you can get laust in the sauce (Shoutout Richy Saucee) so its hard to be yourself because it kind of feels like you are in a competition with your siblings and I hated that.

Most of my life I grew up in Italy and I was kind of a tomboy like I didn't really like girly stuff I liked sports and competing with the boys and all that, so I wasn't really into make ups, dressing up and all that stuff I felt like it wasn't me, but as you grow up your environment changes you and you begin to adapt to that environment. When we moved to London everything changed and I had to fit in or people will bully or pick on you, so i was no longer a tomboy I still liked my sports and continued to compete but I felt like i had to act in a certain way so that I can be accepted.

One thing that I find hard to talk about is my appearance, not going to lie in primary school I was bun ( bun means ugly) like was insecure I still I'm but I am working on it, I am African so best believe I have a big nose :( and that's one of my insecurities like I don't have those slim noses that make people beautiful and that is one of the things that has triggered my insecurity.

Like back in primary school people used to tease me about it and even in secondary school, and I used to cry because it would get me very upset knowing me I'm a very emotional person I will cry at anything, like literally anything even common movie I will cry, that's just the way i am, But don't mess with me i ain't no Mug lool, but nah back to being serious yeah, that was one of my reasons why I find it hard to tell myself that I am Beautiful or that I am good looking because I have grown up telling myself that I am not, and that I have a big nose so that doesn't make me beautiful,

I am learning small small, I am learning to accept my flaws and work with them, God created us in his own image and each person is different and there is a reason why someone looks they way they look if everyone looked the same that would be boring right? So I'm learning to accept who I am, and constantly telling myself that YES GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL don't mind what people have said about you in the past, there's a reason why that's in the past, it will only help me to move forward.

This is why i am always emphasising this verse, Psalm 139:14 "I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" there's a reason why you were created to be the person you are, this is what I live by, many people will go around saying you are not beautiful because of this and this but think to yourself and say I AM BEAUTIFUL I don't need someone to tell me that I am not, I know who "I AM"

I have grown up comparing myself with my mates, people I see and I always think why can't I be like them, or i just want to be like them but i will never be or look like them, and I shut my confidence in a box and lock it away, and that's the reason why I am like this today, I have shut down my confidence so much and locked it away that I am constantly comparing myself to people and when I release I can never be like them, that's when I say to myself oh I am not beautiful and that they are so gorgeous and what happened to me ?

It's life lessons you learn as each day goes by to accept your inner flaws and work with them, you will begin to learn so much about yourself and how to work with those flaws, I would encourage every single individual out there that you are Beautiful it doesn't take someone to tell you to know that you are. We are all still learning it takes practise to be perfect and that's what I am going to do, I hope this has inspired someone out there, and know it's a process it doesn't take one day to process its a journey,

Love Jessica x

Stay Blessed

#Beauty #Purpose #Fearful